


By My Own Admission

by Megane



Category: A Matter of Life and Death (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Confessions, Embarrassment, Emotions, Fights, Fools with Feelings, Heart-to-Heart, Internal Conflict, Irony, Love, M/M, Philosophy, Puns & Word Play, Romance, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Soul-Searching, Sparring, Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-16
Updated: 2016-11-16
Packaged: 2018-08-31 08:24:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8571376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Megane/pseuds/Megane
Summary: Death decides to approach Life with some hard hitting questions — but it all has a meaning. He has something on his mind and in his heart that he needs to sort out. | A nod towards the Blackbirds Fly arc but takes place, perhaps, somewhere in the future.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheSnipster](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSnipster/gifts).



> And now for a slighter change of pace. 
> 
> I cannot give much to show my appreciation. I binge read through this comic, and I'm very appreciative to have read it when I did. It resonated with me during, what is trying to be, a very stressful moment of my life. Please [read the comic](https://tapastic.com/series/A-Matter-of-Life-and-Death) and show your love. This is the only way I know how to say 'thanks'. This is wonderful more than I could express.
> 
> They should have sent a poet…

       “What do you think of our balance?”

Life perked up at the question and stared up at the far taller god Death. Death stared over his shoulder and down towards Life, who was sitting down in the short grass. Death had one of his more stoic expressions on. His aura was thick and had a dense pressure. Though worried about Death's aloof appearance, Life took a moment to consider the question. As he thought, Death spoke up again,

       “Did you ever think, in 500 million years, that there would be an opposite of you– one that you would enjoy? Or rather, I should say…” Death looked away towards the almost endless expanse of water in front of them. “Did you ever think that you would ever _want_ an 'opposite' of you?”

It was the rephrasing that hit Life the most. The two gods were in a new division of Ithis. Like many others, it was one that Death had never seen before. They were on a gently sloping hill that sat at the mouth of deep, brilliant blue waters. Across from them was another hill, just as quiet and inviting, and there was another piece of land just ahead to their right. The light here was incredibly bright. The sky was a soft, open blue without a single cloud in the sky.

 And yet… the serenity was almost heartbreaking. Life and Death were together, unable to enjoy the peace with heavy hearts. Death was standing, his gaze set unblinkingly towards the horizon. Life turned his head and stared at the ground. He bit down on his bottom lip.

       “… No,” he said after a minute. “I can't say that I ever did. I can't say that I wanted to see things die; I can't say that I would ever want there to be an 'end' to my creations, despite knowing very well that there had to be. But…” He gave an empty smile as he drew his legs up and set his crossed arms upon his knees. “If you mean would I ever want the opposite of me as an individual, the answer is a much harder 'no'. I wouldn't dream of it.”

 Death hadn't looked back. His lips were slightly turned down, though Life couldn't see it.

        “What is the point,” Death began instead, “of life. What is the meaning of 'life' for you?”

       Life scoffed and brought a hand up, smoothing it along the back of his head to cup his neck. “That's a bit of an ironic question…” he said with a weak laugh, tilting his gaze slightly to the left. “What is… the meaning? I've asked myself that a lot. I've stared into the stars many, many times wondering what it could all mean. Why was I created– why were any of us created? Embodiments of arbitrary moments and emotions and intangible ideations… I could never get my head around it, but the purpose, I think, is to just experience it.

       “We were made to experience it all to the fullest.” Life brought his hand back to its former position, cupping the elbow of his other arm. “Hope, sorrow, love, pain… I think we were meant to have _these_ lives to donate them to the cosmic whole.”

This made Death turn his head finally. He stared down at Life with an unreadable gaze. This made the shorter god jump at the look. Life stammered.

       “I mean… I know that it sounds wishy-washy even coming from me, but we were made with the sole purpose of what we are. I… create.” He motioned a hand towards Death, his expression softer. “You… take life away, but we are still our own individual selves. What we experience lends a greater imagination towards what we've to do with our lives. It gives us, ah, passion– reason. It gives us focus; it gives us… power. And in whatever we take or create or destroy, it becomes a greater part of a universal story.”

Life was blushing now, embarrassed by his ramblings, but then something came to his mind.

       “Why do you ask?”

Death's brows furrowed together and he stared down at the ground in front of him. There was an extended silence before he looked over to his companion again.

       “Can we spar?”

       “What?” Death wasn't usually the one to suggest such a thing, and while Life was going to say 'yes', he was caught off guard by the request. “Hey, don't change the conversa—”

Death held up a hand to quiet Life and then curled his long fingers back towards his palm. His look was still unreadable, and whatever distress he displayed now, Life was still unable to analyse it.

       “Please,” Death said in that meek voice of his.

       Life sighed, slumping his shoulders. “Alright,” he said finally and came up to his feet. He extended his right hand towards Death. “Let's go then.”

Death brought a hand up to his own chest, fingers partially curled. He extended the hand he used to cut off Life to take the one offered out to him. They fragmented away and reappeared in an empty wasteland. Death found comfort in the familiar sight, and he immediately took a few steps away from Life. When his back was turned and he was about twenty paces away, Death extended out his left hand and conjured his weapon into his hand. His appearance changed in a flash; black wisps of energy appeared and reappeared so quickly that Life almost wasn't ready. Life took a moment to collect himself and concentrated his power. He widened his stance, taking a step back with his left foot.

       “ _Flash Grieves. Activated,”_ Life said aloud.

He kicked his right leg in the air twice. On the second kick, a grieve edge boot appeared on his foot. It was shining blue with a long, sharp, curved blade that extended up from the heel. There were smaller spikes on the right side. The front of the boot had a pointed, slightly raised toe. The boot itself came up to his shin. He set his right foot down and fluidly switched his weight to the corresponding leg. He swiped his left leg out in a high kick and kept it extended outward. With a coil of smoke, another boot appeared on his left foot.

Life's body was perfectly balanced on his right leg, his upper body perpendicular. His left arm was drawn up against his chest, hand curled into a fist while his right arm was held against his side. His hand was also clenched. When he drew his leg towards himself, he stood up a bit straighter. He didn't relax his form.

Tension was palpable through the air. Life kept watch for Death's movements, feeling confused when the other god didn't do anything, but then there was a sharp alert to his senses. Life kicked out his right leg just in time to intercept Death's scythe blade. Death leaned forward, meeting Life's gaze easily.

       “I admire what you do,” Death said.

Life's eyes widened, and Death's expression tightened with effort as he swung the scythe with both hands, flinging the other God away from him. Life tucked into a ball as he was thrown backwards, and then he landed with a slide. Death charged at him. As they parried each others' blows, sparks of light erupted from Life's grieve edges. Their weapons clashed again and again before Death spoke,

       “Your strength is admirable. Do you know what effect you have on everyone?”

       Life frowned and turned his body tight, going into a butterfly twist before landing in a crouched position. _“I told you. I'm no one special. I just–”_

       “It's blinding how naïve you are!”

Death spoke over him, shocking Life into silence. Death pressed his lips together and grabbed his scythe by the middle. He twisted, breaking the scythe in half. The bladeless half was wrapped in smoke, and when Death reconnected both ends together, a matching curved blade appeared. Now, he was armed with a double edged scythe. He spun the weapon with a great show of skill, eyes closing as he maneuvered the weapon from his left to his right. In doing this, winds steadily built underneath him. Life slowly crossed his arms as the winds became more powerful, creating little cuts against his skin. Finally, Death pointed his weapon at Life, sending the winds full force to create a blast that knocked the other god back. Death followed quickly after.

       “Despite how much you may hurt, you still smile. Despite how much you may feel an internal pain, you still go to other people,” Death said, looking imploringly to Life as he swung his weapon. "You create beautiful things in spite of yourself. And when you're happy… I've seen what miracles you bring."

There was a clash of both weapons and power; their auras created a wall against each other, making the gods struggle even more. They created craters as they went. The density of their aura was too much for the earth of the wasteland to hold out against. When there was a distance between them, Life rushed forward and tucked himself into a somersault. At the height of his jump, he uncurled and slammed his heel down against the body of Death's weapon. A wave of light surged up from the attack. Death winced and was dizzied by the light, but he held his ground. He held his scythe above his head but was pushed down by the force the other god exerted.

       “I cannot imagine a 'life' without you,” Death said as he squinted open his eyes, his expression weak and heartfelt.

Life frowned, though he was trying to will himself not to blush at that moment. He failed.

       “To me, Life is a mystery. Life is about finding a balance with who you are. To me, I couldn't fathom an opposite, but then I met you. You are my charming, hot-headed, fool-mouthed, kind opposite who I could never replace!”

Death disapparated. Life dropped down to his feet. Across from him, Death held his scythe with two hands and stared at the body of the weapon with great concern.

       “You still don't like yourself. I can feel that you don't, but you have the wherewithal to consider yourself on some cosmic scale. You gave an answer to the questions I asked you earlier. Eloquent…” Death closed his eyes, drawing his scythe closer to himself. “You are so eloquent.”

 His aura diffused then, returning him into a normal state. Life was still on his guard, mostly from confusion, as he listened to Death's confession.

       Death continued speaking, “It pains me to think of myself on some greater scale. I cannot… _fathom_ the complexities of your mind. How you could look to the stars and pray for some answers, how you could look at every one of us and divine some greater meaning, even if you claim you don't understand…”

Life began walking forward. His power diffusing as well as he approached the taller male. He set his hands upon Life's arms, looking up and trying to catch Death's gaze. Death had his eyes shut tight; his hands had a tight grip on his own arms, but soon he relaxed and looked at Life.

       “I love you.”

Life stared in shock at such plain and simple words. But oh, were they powerful.

       “I love you and the work you do. I love the feelings I have around you – good and bad – because as you said, they lend themselves to some greater story. And so, the story of us is what I believe to be this: you are the opposite of me, as an individual. I cannot exist in my own head, but you… you exist everywhere to me. In person, in my heart, in my head… You can be direct but so kind. I can be indirect and cold.” Death smiled sadly. “You've told me so yourself…”

       “Death…”

       Death moved his hands to place them on Life's shoulders. “I'm meek. I know this, but this has been weighing heavy on my heart and it feels only right to tell you.” He leaned down and brushed their lips together. Life felt a sudden sensation rise through him.

       “I love you.” The words were said again, this time as a whisper against Life's lips.

The kiss was soft and sweet. It lacked any urgency or great passion. In fact, it was as if Death was trying to push some greater feeling, ask for understanding, plead for acceptance, and show his admiration all in one move. Life wrapped his arms around the tree-tall god and broke away.

       “Our balance is imperfect,” he said. He then gave a wry smirk. “Such is Life.”

Death laughed weakly and wrapped his arms around Life's neck. The shorter god lowered his gaze down and stared at Death's chest.

       “I don't know…” Life began, “if I can return that confession just yet.”

       Death shook his head, smiling softly. “It's okay. I don't expect you to.”

       “How ignoble,” Life then said. “You lay down some heartfelt expression and don't expect anything back– good or bad?”

       Death frowned slightly. “How do you mean?”

       “Give yourself a little credit.” Life curled a hand against Death's lower back, feeling the taller god shiver from the action. “Think of yourself a little. Consider this: maybe you deserve to have a bit of selfish hope for yourself. Think of your own needs for once.”

       “But… I–”

       “Nuh-uh.” Life leaned in to kiss Death's collarbone. “If you want to desire a no one like me, then I get to have a bit of say in this.” Life leaned back and looked up to meet Death's eyes. “So tell me, what do you want from me?”

       Death hesitated for a moment before bringing his hands up to cup Life's face. “To stand by me and one day… love me in return.”

       “I can promise you the first if _you_ stand by _me_ ,” Life said. Death only nodded. “And for the second, I shouldn't say. So I'll ask that you be patient.”

Tears dotted the corner of Death's eyes, but he nodded and drew Life in for a kiss again.

       “I'll wait for as long as it takes. I promise…”


End file.
